I recently moved from my big beautiful stream-side home in the country to a smaller abode in the city. There are a zillion more conveniences available to me now, but this morning as the truck gears grind and the street lights blaze I deeply miss the far-reaching landscape and natural tranquility of the home I left behind.
I’m back to having a roommate temporarily, after a handful of years of my-own-place solitude, which comes with both wonderful rewards and challenging days. No more breast pump privacy for now. No more walking around the house in teensy little bohemian outfits, like a fairy nymph with bra-less ease.
My life is truly blessed and I’m incredibly lucky, but I also feel like my forward motion is firmly on pause. My creative side feels stuck and stale. My maternal calling has been shushed. My future is a faint question mark while I try with all my might to stay in the present and let this stillness be my guide.
I know the Universe and all forces that influence it are purposely stopping my trajectory so I have time to take a breath, rethink, get rest, make new lists and start fresh from here. I appreciate the safety net more than I know how to say.
Yet my dreams still fly at breathtaking heights while my physical world has stopped and curled around itself like a cocoon.
I’m thinking back this morning to my huge chair at the window in the country where I watched the robins play in tall evergreens, while stroking my breasts in the half-light of the rising sun. I’m remembering sitting on a flat river stone mid-stream, hidden by bushes with bright red berries, and tugging my polka dot dress up over my head to meditate and pleasure myself and splash and feel the cool midsummer water dripping from my wet curls and glistening nipples.
Perhaps that was my true cocoon then and this new place, these new days are moving me toward the realization of dreams from sensual sources I wouldn’t have before ever thought to find here.
Maybe I will discover unique and empowering ways to become the milky goddess and mother and nurturer and writer and soulful-life-lived woman of my deepest desires.
Or maybe, just maybe I am already she in so many ways I haven’t yet learned to see and feel and be.
There are glorious new happenings and people that I celebrate. Without this pause and these changes I wouldn’t have these new insights, hopes and experiences.
And it’s true that day by day I think I was supposed to move from that country home chair to this new city lair and all that life will grant me here.
Yet this morning I must admit that I ache for private nakedness in streams and the limitlessness of a younger woman’s dreams.
Do you love Lactation Erotica? My Lactation Erotica stories can be found HERE.